If Life is a game of 'Snakes and Ladders', for me most of the Snakes are my Anxiety

Anxiety is a disorder not a disease,  it can't really be cured. One has to learn to live with it and work around it, try to tame it a little so that it doesn't hamper your day to day functioning but the fact is that its there, it's never really gone. One needs to be mentally prepared to deal with it when out of the blue it raises its ugly head and goes out of control because in such a situation you can't tame it you just need to be strong enough to bear it and survive the torture. It's like a game of snakes and ladder just when you think that over the years you have mastered the art of controlling stress, anxiety will be there like a snake ready to swallow you at 99 and take you back from where you started. The key is to know this might happen often and you will have to start again from scratch because the snakes(anxiety) will always be there they are not going anywhere, you might be able to dodge it at times but at times they will get you. 

Eyes are windows to the soul but it was a window that made me see through her eyes!

That little window which opens to a view of a dumpster has infinite stories and memories attached to it....stories of that summer afternoon when the little me was sitting by the window, eating a mango and I fell off the window screaming and crying and my aaji rushed towards me....stories of little me waiting at the window for mom to come back home from work and running towards her the moment I saw her enter the lane....memories of the same little me looking at the window with a grumpy face and giving angry looks to my aaji because she made me go to school with that annoying gurkha every day (not sure what was more annoying,  the school or the Gurkha).... And when little me grew up the same window had the same aaji waving 'hi' and 'bye' every single time I went home - yes aaji's  house was always 'home' and my home was 'eksar'.
As I grew up I lost the child in me who understood the happiness of waiting at the window to see the first sight of your loved ones walking towards you but she never lost that excitement, aaji was always at that window everyday waving at us with the same enthusiasm.
With age we think we can look at life more logically, saying ok to doctor saying 'she has 10% chance of survival',  ok to the fact that she is very old, ok to the fact that it's the best time for her to leave the world for otherwise she would suffer but all that logic crumbled when I looked at the window and didn't see aaji waving at me. I didn't care about what the logic and the reality was, I just wanted to see my aaji waving at me through the window.
When they were taking her away from me forever,  I ran up to that same window to wave goodbye to her and the first time I saw what she saw through the window. I had never understood what she felt when she kept waving at me all her life until I was there at the window waving goodbye to her. Aaji liked sitting at the window with a view of a dumpster for hours and I didn't get what beauty she saw in it. She didn't see the garbage, she was just seeing people she loved walking towards her and even when they left she knew they would come back soon and she would be there waiting for them at the window.

Like Really!

Being careless and carefree is a blessing and I feel I am cursed for not being that. Carefree people say or do stuff without giving  a damn of what others will think, say or react. Unlike us who think so much even before saying/doing something and then overanalyse the reply (or no reply). So much unnecessary mental exhaustion.

In Hindsight, sincere people are expected to be available  every time even when they have a genuine reason for not being available and have to face the consequences for not being there even if it's once in the blue moon situation whereas the carefree lot get away with anything and everything without any consequences. 

What are we trying to do here?  From where I see I feel all my positive traits are negative because the treatment I get for being sincere. I get punished for it and the once who do nothing get all the benefits, the praise, and zero expectations and zero consequences but 100% appreciation. 

I knew life is not fair but this is some other level of unfair. Cheers to the blind,  illogical world who torture the once who deserve all the success and praise & value the once who give a damn about anything and everything. 

L'chaim to life!

What I love about my work is that I get to meet soooo many new people on every new project I work on. Every fourth day I feel I have a new best friend or a soul brother or sister  just to realize a week later that all that bonding was just for those few days; earlier this was so confusing but 7 years down in this industry I have got use to it rather I have started enjoying it.

 I like this whole equation where I have a set of very few friends who are there forever  “in sickness and in health” and on the other hand I also keep meeting these Interesting people who I share a part of my life,  have an amazing time,  make awesome memories and that's that.

It's a reminder for me that there is nothing permanent in life and one got to keep moving on in order to really live it fully. Not everyone one is meant to stay and those awesome fun moments will end leaving behind great memories but one has to go on and make more awesome memories with a different bunch of people. 

Cheers to all of them who make my life so interesting and all of those who make my life worth living by just existing. 

The one who got it Right without being Righteous

I have been reading Steve Job's biography for quite some time now but haven't yet managed to finish it, it's just the kind of person he is irritates me to the core but yesterday I managed to watch the entire movie Jobs and I was speechless. That feeling when you love someone and hate them at the same time; Steve Jobs what a visionary, such an inspiration but such a rotten soul and on the other hand I connect wit woz to such an extend its beyond description, he is a brilliant/intelligent version of me.  Whether it's the movie or the book there is something about this man Mr. Jobs, it enters your system and steers you up from inside. Mr Steve Jobs is one inspirational jack ass.
Also I feel on a personal level and its not just restricted to Steve Jobs, people in general take the liberty of doing morally/ ethical incorrect things or in general things which are wrong on human grounds because someone has treated them badly in past or something bad happened to them in past or they had a disturbed childhood. Let me make it VERY CLEAR  you don't get the licence to do bad because something bad happened to you in past, its your rotten soul or just the kind of person you are that makes you do bad stuff; it has nothing to do with your past, present or future, its just your excuse to do things your way when even you know in the back of your mind that it's the wrong thing to do. As far as "disturbed childhood" is concerned everyone has a disturbed childhood, it's just the way you look at it. Life in general is not filled with all happy stuff or all sad stuff, it's a mixture. It completely depends on the kind of person you are; one can either keep crying over bad things, brood on it and develop into a person driven by negativity or one can look at the bright side and give out positivity.
Just because something good is the by product of a negative behavior doesn't make the negative behavior a valid one.
Also pain can't be relative it's always superlative when it's yours; everyone goes through shit at some point in life so people need to stop giving excuses about what bad happened in past for their present unreasonable behavior

“Smartness Guide for Intelligent Dummies” - Confession of a Honest Soul

       My very first realization after entering the real world (post my graduation) was that I have very little knowledge about the real world. For a very long time I lived with the pride of knowing more than my peers, being more honest, being sincere etc only to discover it means nothing without the knowledge of what life really is and how to deal with the people (mostly jackasses) and conduct yourself amongst them.

       Imagine my plight when I came to know that all these years of efforts, all this bookish knowledge, all these qualities which I was so proud of had zero value in "the real world"; my world came crashing down. Since then I have been a combination of humility, under confidence and openness to taking others opinions and advise seriously. My brain had become a "mandir ka ghanta" which anyone and everyone would come and "bajao".

       Years and years of observations, experiences and lessons learned by burning my finger, hands, heart and soul I came to a conclusion that these so called "know it all" people who I have been listening to and taking their every word as an advise know very little (even lesser than me), worst thing is that what they know isn't even right but the level of confidence (read stupidity) with which they believe in it is absolutely hilarious.

       It’s a great journey of self-discovery so far and I hope rather I know it'll continue. Now I do listen to all but today I have the wisdom to figure out what to imbibe and what to consider as a joke and laugh at.

       It's a journey from being a intelligent person to being a smart ass without losing the intelligence (more important without losing your real identity).

Eyes of beholders see perception not reflection

       Any form of art can't be judged or graded. It's funny when people discuss how good or bad any artistic piece of work or performance is. I just don't get it how does one grade it; what are the parameters?

       From where I see when an Artist judges his/her artform on the basis of others opinions, somewhere down the line they insult their own passion for their work. One should do what they want, the way they want with utmost passion irrespective of what anyone feels about it. The quality of work has nothing to do with the audiences’ likes or dislikes; who are the audiences to judge an artform? Who gave them the right? What makes them capable of giving the verdict? They offcourse have a right to express their opinions but it’s foolish to take that as the final verdict.

       Cheers to all the artists and creative people who fill their hearts, their lives and the world with such beauty; can't imagine a world without creativity, everything would be so clinical without you beautiful beautiful minds